


Misstep

by Blondjjong



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 01:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blondjjong/pseuds/Blondjjong
Summary: Jongin struggles not to look back as he tries to move on.





	Misstep

It’s a glimpse, just a flit of a look from across the room. Taemin’s eyes catch Jongin’s own and it’s like touching a finger unexpectedly to flame, the sharp jolt that shocks through his system. Taemin’s eyes hold Jongin’s gaze, but the moment is brief and gone so quickly, broken with a hand covered laugh at something someone must have said to him. Jongin couldn’t say for sure though, because he’s on the other side of the room, a sea of people between them, although that’s not what's making him feel the distance. Normally Jongin would seek Taemin out, weave through the people making small talk in the crowds around them, until he could press palm firm to Taemin’s back, and feel the brush of Taemin’s small hands over his nape. Jongin doesn’t though, his attention pulled by a hand on his arm, the touch bringing his thoughts back down from where he’d been lost in his head, fading back into the conversation happening around him.   
  
Slowly, little by little, Jongin can feel himself giving up.   
  
It’s late night that always hits Jongin the worst. When she’s not around, when his schedules are done, when his friends are busy winding down from their own days. It creeps up slowly, one thought into another, and Jongin can’t seem to silence the voices in his head, as they point out all the discrepancies between what was, and what is. What Jongin’s intent in moving forwards had been, and the weight of what he feels since that decision had settled on his shoulders, were in stark contrast to one another. He’d come so far since that moment, since Jongin had allowed himself just a bit too much, and watched as the repercussions caused what he had to crumble like dirt to dust around him.    
  
Jongin had achieved so much more, was headed down such a better path, a healthier one. He was surrounded by love, by support, and had pushed his way through the scorching ache left in his chest, after his own delusions had wrought war on his most valued of relationships. Jongin had made such progress, it felt like he’d driven for miles and miles yet still, even sitting among such fine riches as this new grown love, this new relationship, it still seemed to be an eternal battle not to press call. Not to find Taemin’s name on his contact list at all. The isolation was earned, a repentance that, if mercy is ever to be granted, Jongin knows he must endure.   
  
_ ‘It’s not your fault’ _ __   
__   
It takes typing out the reply three times before Jongin finally decides to hit send. It's the most basic of truths. The distance between them isn’t Taemin’s fault, and if nothing else Jongin would like to think he could ease his friend of that guilt. No, this distance was brought on by his own selfish actions. He’d always garnered such strength from Taemin, such hope for the future, and it had always been as if, when all the rest of the world was against him, Taemin was still there. Taemin was his safe spot, his home. And yet, Jongin wasn’t satisfied.   
  
_ ‘I miss you’ _   
  
Words on a screen gone days unanswered, sent out in a moment of vulnerability. The little check in their chat box lets him know Taemin’s seen it, but Jongin has given up expecting a reply. He never received one the last time he said the words, breathed into his cellphone and left in Taemin’s voicemail a good month prior. Maybe it was a hint, more than likely he should be taking it as a hint; that Taemin doesn’t want to hear it. A clear sign that he doesn’t miss Jongin the way he sure now knows that Jongin is missing him. Their feelings don’t align, Jongin knows that. If there’s one thing he’s sure on in the maze their friendship has become, it’s that they’d been moving at two very different wavelengths for a while.   
  
It’s tense, Jongin can’t deny that. It’s the day before Taemin is to leave for Los Angeles and he’s standing here, in Taemin’s front hallway, because no matter the hell wrought on his heart he’s still so weak to any request from his best friend. It’s the oddest thing though, how even this close, even sitting here alone the same way they’d done for so many years, Taemin is some kind of untouchable. The way his smile, his ridiculous burst of a laugh, can wash warmth over Jongin like some kind of blessing from above. His strength to look past things, to be able to brush aside that which Jongin had done, it was a strength that Jongin didn’t know, couldn’t hold as his own.   
  
Yet even still, while little by little, each day he feels himself giving up, Jongin can’t help but feel, can’t help but wonder. Taemin’s got that little bit of angelic strength only a child of god could have, just maybe, maybe-   
  
__ ‘Could you save me?’


End file.
